Are you the type of person who spends a lot of time complaining about how terrible support personnel are?  Are you the type of person who often accuses companies or people of "ripping you off" or "jerking you around" or "not being fair?"

If you are, there's the possibility that you...might be an asshat.

I went through and selected some messages from public support fora, and wrote down the response that they should have had from the support people they were badgering.  If you see yourself in these examples, I hope you'll take the time to reconsider your behavior.

(Seen frequently on a commercial site, the sign-up form for which clearly states that account approval takes at least a week:)

"I registered for my account yesterday!  When will it be active!"

The answer they should have had:

"You haven't complained enough yet.  Wave your hands around.  Threaten to sue.  Register fifty or sixty more times, then come back to the forum and ask why your account has not been activated.  Send threatening e-mails to the staff and be sure to let them know that their failure to drop everything they're doing is going to be the cause of your children's death by starvation.  That always works."

(From a forum for a company that distributes bits of code for inclusion in a web page)

"How do I copy and paste the code into my web page?"

How support personnel would have liked to respond:

"Take your monitor to the local Office Depot and put it on the Xerox machine face down.  Make several copies.  Then return home, cover your monitor in Elmer's Glue, and attach the copies to the clue.  Wait three days for the glue to dry completely, and your [product] will be visible!"

Alternate response:

"If you don't know how to copy and paste, why the hell do you think you can run a website?  Get a job."

 (Same site)

"I know the rules say that I can't put [this product] on a site with violent or pornographic content, but I'd really love to use it on my website dedicated to half-naked women beating each other up in seedy motel rooms!"

The response this deserves:

"Oh, of course that's not violent.  S&M-by-proxy for the under-endowed wimp who has to get off watching desperate 'I'll do anything for twenty bucks' female victims of exploitative criminals rip each other's clothes off because he knows that if he ever so much as gave a girl over the age of six a dirty look she'd kick his butt from here to the Lesser Antilles and back...what could possibly be violent or pornographic about that?  Besides, the rules only apply to the rabble, Chauncey:  You're exempt.  After all, YOUR time is valuable!  Besides, what kind of weirdo would think that women beating on each other in lingerie would be violent or pornographic?  Friggin PC nazis anyway..."

 (Annnnd again)

"plzzz help me i got the acont but no [product] yet plz plz what is the prollem????  need help now plz plz plz!!!!"

Appropriate answer:

"The problem is that you're illiterate and your punctuation keys appear to have been glued down.  But if you add a few more Z's, maybe I'll feel sorry enough for you to get you a subscription to Hooked On Phonics."

And in the interest of fairness, an example of what happens when an unteachable force meets an illiterate object:

The question, "Can I create an account, my brother was banned?"  (admittedly, not written nearly as coherent as that)

The answer given by one respondent (direct cut&paste here):  "I'm sorry its only available to those that are fluent in english, obviously.... if your [sic -jh] 14 your [and again -jh] not approved"

(I don't think that one needs any further comment)